Tooth Fairy

Editorial

Santa With Muscles meets The Pacifier in a woeful family film experience akin to pulling teeth.

Parents and guardians should take their tackers to the dentist for a good time, compared with coughing up for this cavity of laughs, heart, charm and feeling.

Dwayne Johnson (the world-wrestling artist formerly known as The Rock) leaves his natural charisma at home as Derek, a washed-up ice hockey star whose skills lie in belting opponents into oral surgery.

Before you can say “buff he-man has to rethink his ways by being forced into an outrageous situation involving children”, Derek is sentenced to tooth fairy duties. You know, because the pessimistic thug is a “dream killer” and fairy godmother Julie Andrews wants to teach him a lesson about making with the believing in stuff.

The only thing taught by the formulaic Derek dross is putting a huge guy in a tutu isn’t anywhere near enough to create all-ages entertainment. Especially when boxes are ticked so mundanely that the sub-plot about Derek’s relationship with his girlfriend’s kids is just a painful filling, and tepid attempts at making us giggle barely pretend to try.

Intending to step from Ricky Gervais’ shadow into the spotlight, Stephen Merchant awkwardly plays a mincey sidekick whose British blather falls as flat as Johnson’s “oh, yeah” clangers. Let’s never speak again of their fairy fight.

Only Billy Crystal improves the situation, his motormouth fairy inventor bringing the funny with refreshing gusto. That he is on-screen for a mere five minutes rubs salt into wounds inflicted by uber-hack director Michael Lembeck (Connie And Carla, The Santa Clause 2 and 3).

Arnold Schwarzenegger earned his family film slot by first being an awesome action hero. Johnson, like Vin Diesel, quickly ditched middling action careers to do it for the kids, their haste seemingly extending to how they read and select scripts.

Making Eddie Murphy’s recent output look stellar, Tooth Fairy is an unhappy meal tough to swallow. Make sure you rinse thoroughly afterwards.

Hilton Thomas