Seriously Lacking Any X-Factor

Editorial

So there I was sitting on the porcelain throne the other day, flicking through the country’s finest toilet paper, the Herald Sun, when I came across this huge full page spread on Guy Sebastian and the supposed scandal he’s gotten himself into on Channel 10’s The X-Factor. Oh goody. I like scandals!

I’m thinking, “Guy Sebastian, Satan’s beloved Idol-winning offspring, Guy? In a pickle about something naughty he said?” Surely not

I read on to learn that the tatted-up-but-still-not-tough Guy had apparently run his mouth off about some poor X-Factor wannabe Mitchell Callaway and his bad attitude behind the scenes and how such antics and crap behaviour would get him nowhere in the competition and in the greater industry.

Gee Guy, I wonder what Bon Scott would think of your well-considered scholarly wisdom?

Still curious to hear exactly what he said, I found the online video feed where Guy supposedly dresses down this moron, telling him in no uncertain terms to shape up or ship out. It was so lame. Watching a guy get whipped with a feather is not what I spent 20 minutes trawling through junk news media sites drooling at the mouth to see.

Here I am thinking beforehand, “Guy, you go girl – give him hell”, but instead I quickly learn that this so called “scandal” was nothing more than a convenient full page advertisement for a reality talent show that is showing every sign of lacking one very big X-Factor of its own.

Whether the Herald Sun takes good money to run a full page colour spread like that on a complete nothing story, or whether they really do deem it a newsworthy item (both scenarios are believable), it’s a telling sign the wider couch-ridden public may be just about had enough of combing out these stubborn fartleberries from the bumhole of Australian culture.

Does this mean the end for TV talent quests? Ratings would probably suggest otherwise, but the fact that most stories deriving from this bovine spectacle have little to do with the ingenious talent it’s supposed to be showcasing spells desperate measures for its greedy architects.

The X-Factor or Australian Idol have never been about shepherding the gifted youth to the starry heights for real, let’s just get that straight. Once the texting and the advertising stops, and the whole show’s over, you’re on your own – rain, hail or shine. Guy and Natalie go on holiday, and a new flock of innocent lambs spend their summer dreaming up something wonderful to present on next year’s sacrificial altar.

Acquiring fame is one thing, but having the tools and the proper counsel to guide you through the often treacherous ravine of the music game is not something they spend a lot of time teaching you on these shows. Altiyan Childs’ disastrous plunge into debauched bedlam after winning last year’s X-Factor is a great example of that.

In other news, recently retired Collingwood coach Mick Malthouse is about to make an announcement that he is going to the milkbar. The rumour is that he’s out of bread.

I love the Herald Sun.

Dave Larkin, Citysearch

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