A Beginner's Guide to Hosting

Editorial

In 1986, I invited an entire grade of peers to partake of voul-au-vents and advocaat and vomit on my parent’s furniture. This event seemed successful until Phil from Youth Group got off with Emma. Right in front of Jane.

My second incarnation as a hostess at the age of 22 was, again, less debutante than it was Medusa. Here in a shared house in inner-Sydney, I offered my guests a combustible mix of cheap beer and macrobiotic rice balls. I began to understand why my parents had been so cross about their ruined upholstery.

Now, at 42, I believe I have learned from my mistakes. I no longer hold impromptu parties where the single shared goal of all invitees is to “go hard” and acquire seven kinds of pash rash. These days, it’s important to plan well ahead to ensure a lovely soiree.

There are those who might scoff at the true Queens of etiquette, Mrs Emily Post and Miss Amy Vanderbilt. Guffaw at your peril; the advice of the New England ladies remains golden. If you really do want a guide to the rules of hosting, the books of Vanderbilt and Post are nonpareil and offer clear instruction on everything. Including just when to send an invitation.

Mrs Post recommends extending notice to guests of a dinner party no more than six and no fewer than three weeks in advance of the date. This might seem antique but good heavens, have you noticed how busy everyone has become? Use this time frame also for baby showers and birthday parties. For more formal and/or important events like Mitzvahs, engagement parties or birthdays and anniversaries ending in zero, do stick to the six week rule. And, no, for all but the most informal occasions, Facebook simply just won’t do. If you want folk attending your shin dig, shake a little action at the post office.

On your invitation, clearly state the means of acceptance. Here, text message, email and phone are all entirely acceptable means of reply. RSVP, as we all well know, means that a response is requested but you can also ask for “Regrets Only”; that is, only those unable to attend need respond. However, as our world has drained of manners, you’re probably going to have to give some of your guests a nudge either way. Miss Vanderbilt would probably be horrified but I say that a cheery email to double-check that a non RSVPed guest has received an invitation is perfectly fine.

Now that your hungry, thirsty guests are on their way to a date of impeccable fun, the challenge truly commences. There are so many variables when it comes to a gathering. But, these can be controlled, within reason, by you. Keep hospitality top-of-mind at all times; in planning and in execution remember your role as host or hostess.

With the comfort of your guests foremost in your thoughts, a plan should emerge. Those questions of food, drink, music and party architecture should all be easily answered when you consider the needs of the individuals attending. If, for example, you have elderly or incapacitated guests attending, you will naturally furnish your party space with adequate seating and even flow to the buffet. You might also cancel the stripper. Or, if you have some vegan guests attending, you might order in beverage that is vegie-friendly and offer a gazpacho station with all the fixings. In both of these cases, you wouldn’t point out to gramps that you have gone to the trouble of freeing up your La-Z-Boy or tell Moonshine Kundalini that you’ve gone to such lengths to provide for her cruelty-free palate. You just offer hospitality smilingly.

With a functional space, a menu and music sorted, (I always opt for a little Vanderbilt-era lounge music as this offends no-one) you’re ready. And, if you feel you’re still lacking inspiration, there’s always the option to do a themed party. People tend to inevitably fall into a jolly mood if they’re all dressed like a character from Top Gun.

If you have the faith in your poise and event management skills, a little “occasion” in your occasion can’t help. A short comic address to the room to thank them for attending, a cake or a parlour game really focuses the thing and gives all a sense of ritual.

Now. Just hide the advocaat.

Helen Razer, Citysearch